Starting over, again.....help!
I really am not looking forward to this week. I have to be on my own, no phone calls, no emails, no text messages to Matt. This is going to be so FREAKING hard for me. He is the first person I would tell ANYTHING to, insignificant or not, he was always my first thought of who to contact. Now I have to basically stop cold turkey my contact with him. I failed MISERABLY last time, and this time I have to stay strong.
I can no longer allow him to rule my life, and influence my decisions. I was an extremely independent and happy person before I met him. And you know what, I became this extremely DEPENDENT person for the last year and half. And I hate that about myself. I never wanted that to happen to me, and it did, so easily, and I was way to deep in before I could pull myself out. Now, I was pushed out without a choice, and I'm left to pick up the pieces and put my life back together, ON MY OWN.
So here's to me learning to be my own, strong, INDEPENDENT woman, who is happy with what she has here. Because I CANNOT live my life thinking that things will ever work out between us. Honestly, I'm not sure he deserves me. That may sound pompous, but I gave SO much to this relationship, and did not get the respect that I deserved in return. Of course I'm fighting this notion in my head, saying that I would give anything to have him back, but maybe its a good thing he's not here anymore. Maybe I will really find MYSELF. He said he wants to go "find himself", well good luck. Because now I just decided to do the same, and its not going to be in the form of another relationship, which I'm sure is where he will find himself soon and all his words will become null. I am going to better my career path, and get involved in things that interest me and I want to learn more about. I am going to make new friends, and be better about keeping up with the ones I have. And so on.....so here's to the new me. I have to re-invent the way I live my life or I'm going to drown in my own depression. That is not going to happen. It can't.
I can no longer allow him to rule my life, and influence my decisions. I was an extremely independent and happy person before I met him. And you know what, I became this extremely DEPENDENT person for the last year and half. And I hate that about myself. I never wanted that to happen to me, and it did, so easily, and I was way to deep in before I could pull myself out. Now, I was pushed out without a choice, and I'm left to pick up the pieces and put my life back together, ON MY OWN.
So here's to me learning to be my own, strong, INDEPENDENT woman, who is happy with what she has here. Because I CANNOT live my life thinking that things will ever work out between us. Honestly, I'm not sure he deserves me. That may sound pompous, but I gave SO much to this relationship, and did not get the respect that I deserved in return. Of course I'm fighting this notion in my head, saying that I would give anything to have him back, but maybe its a good thing he's not here anymore. Maybe I will really find MYSELF. He said he wants to go "find himself", well good luck. Because now I just decided to do the same, and its not going to be in the form of another relationship, which I'm sure is where he will find himself soon and all his words will become null. I am going to better my career path, and get involved in things that interest me and I want to learn more about. I am going to make new friends, and be better about keeping up with the ones I have. And so on.....so here's to the new me. I have to re-invent the way I live my life or I'm going to drown in my own depression. That is not going to happen. It can't.
posted by Carissa @ 8:24 PM
1 Comments:
At 2:50 PM,
Gorilla Hero said…
you rule.
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